The Happiness Trap: How to Stop Struggling and Start Living

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Of course, happy feelings are quite pleasant, and we should certainly make the most of them when they present themselves. But if we try to have them all the time, we are doomed to failure. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain – p. 216 When we take action on the things that truly matter deep in our hearts, when we move in directions that we consider valuable and worthy, when we clarify what we stand for in life and act accordingly, then our lives become rich and full and meaningful, and we experience a powerful sense of vitality.

It must reveal something if I feel cagy about advertising that I've read a book subtitled "How to Stop Struggling and Start Living." Who doesn't imagine people are paying way more attention to your insecurities than they really are? "Gracious, I didn't know Josh was struggling! The poor dear. Let's make him some soup." I don’t know how I feel about this book. It’s basically a client-friendly overview of Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) and offers instructions on how to implement associated techniques and interventions. Defusion: Recognizing thoughts, images, memories, and feelings as what they are – just words and pictures – without fighting them, running from them, or staying too focused on them If you’re living a goal-focused life, then no matter what you have, it’s never enough…find the values underlying your goals.” – p. 198 ACT) آشنا می‌کند که اگر بخواهم خیلی خیلی خلاصه بگویم هدفش رسیدن به انعطاف پذیری روان‌شناختی است که با تمسک به شش استراتژی می‌توانیم به این مهم دست یابیم.We all enjoy happy feelings, so it’s no surprise that we chase them. However, like all our other feelings, feelings of happiness don’t last. No matter how hard we try to hold on to them, they slip away every time.

When the switch is on, we are completely unwilling to accept the presence of these uncomfortable feelings, which means not only do we get distressed by them, we also do whatever we can to avoid or get rid of them (turning to control strategies, which are ok in moderation but problematic in excess). The end of the book is great. It teaches how to make real change that brings real happiness. Happiness comes from living according to your values. He urges us to spend REAL time discovering our values. Not our goals, or what society tells us to care about, but what we REALLY care about. Figure those values out, then set immediate, short medium, and long term goals that are congruent with your values. Try telling a victim of rape or severe domestic violence, for instance, to “just make space” for their anger and shame and trauma. Or telling a grieving wife who lost her husband of 60 years and is now potentially homeless with no support that she should “accept” her fear and heartache and helplessness. I suppose that ACT might be appropriate after some time has passed and folks like this are experiencing more stability, but I also think that there are some things that need deeper exploration than ACT can offer. Body awareness exercise: notice each of the different aspects of the body--posture, location of parts, temperature differences, scanning for stiffness, tension, pain, discomfort; scanning for pleasant or comfortable sensations.

The Happiness Trap program is an educational program, giving you the tools and techniques to build a rich and rewarding life, and to handle the difficult thoughts and feelings that go with it. It is based on a scientifically-proven model of therapy called ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy) which has successfully helped millions of people around the world to significantly reduce symptoms of stress, anxiety and depression, while building richer, more fulfilling lives. If you are willing to read just one self-help book - this is the one. Especially if you prefer advice on how to find out what you like and why you are better off behaving in a certain way, to 'just so' statements about beliefs you must adopt and the way you should think-feel-behave to achieve a specific goal / way of life some guru says is best. I want to hate this book. It's so patronising and at times seriously flawed, logic-wise. It explains things with lots of exclamation marks! And drawn-out metaphors! And basically it's just the author going on, without drawing on any examples from the real world! The book explores a number of tools you can use to accept your experience of those things and make choices that will make you feel good long-term.